Finding Happiness

It’s been almost a month since my last post and a part of me wants to apologize to my readers: I’m sure it’s been annoying not hearing from me. However, I’ve been working on not apologizing for everything and to be honest I’m not really sorry to begin with.

When you move to a different country or even city; things happen. You find a full-time job, you go to the gym, you meet people you want to spend every waking moment with, get sick, almost get better, get sick again, and life goes on. Before you know it, a month has passed since your last post and you’ve simply been too enraptured with life to notice.

I’ve done a bit of travel since we last chatted and will SOON write about my adventures on the Great Ocean Road…I promise. For now, I’ll just talk a little more about this thing called life.

If you have ever woken up and been utterly content, then you are a lucky person indeed. Content doesn’t mean everything is perfect. My boss can be a bit of a prick; I could be exercising more, and I’m almost constantly stressed about money. Yet, somehow, despite all those little imperfections, I am at ease. I find myself surrounded by wonderful people and feel the love of those who aren’t here. Everything feels right, peaceful even in chaos. I can’t say I’ve ever felt this way before: the overwhelming and unquestionable sensation that I’m exactly where I need to be and I’m on the brink of becoming exactly who I’m meant to be.

Have you ever been so happy that you could cry? Well lately that is my every day. Maybe not every minute of every day, but at least once during the day I sigh and smile with inexplicable happiness. This life, this place, this path is everything I could have hoped for, and everything that I’ve been missing. The funny thing is when I try to write or talk about it, I can’t seem to put it to words. It just is.

This week is the most difficult time of year for me because it marks the anniversary of two very significant deaths. I’m sad and in pain. Yet, compared to years past the joyful memories are brighter and the pain is a dull ache. Again, I can’t explain why. Instead of longing, I feel love. Instead of emptiness, I feel whole. Rather than regretful, I find myself grateful. I think it has to do with the stability and resilience I have discovered in myself; in the sense of belonging.

So, I may not have written for some time, but as you can see, I was doing something much more important: living.