Sezdep

It’s been a beat since my last post; life has been doing its thing, and time has run away with me again. Normally, I’ve got several posts lined up to go public automatically, but right now the queue is only one post long. Just a quick note: this post is more of a reflective and educational one rather than about all the awesome adventures I’m undertaking.

A few updates: I’m working two jobs, trying to go to the gym every day, socializing with friends on a regular basis, saving as much money as possible, and spending a good amount of time reading on public transit. Writing, both my blog and books, has fallen to the wayside. However, I am determined to get back on top of it.

Another reason for the lack of creativity has been seasonal depression. Although it is summer here, my brain is still wired for the Northern Hemisphere, so as the holidays came into play so did my annoying little friend who we shall call Sezdep.

Unlike in years past, where I keep all my feelings locked in a cage until they break down the door and attack anyone around me in a crazed panic. This year I tried finding people with whom I was comfortable enough to discuss what was going on. Even when in a familiar place with familiar people this task often feels insurmountable. Fortunately, I was quite lucky to meet a woman who is also very well acquainted with Sezdep.

It’s a pleasantly surreal experience when someone says, “yup, I know exactly what that’s like,” and you feel without a doubt that they truly do. That might not make any sense to those of you who have never experienced it, but just know it’s a super cool feeling.

One of the things about Sezdep is that it totally fucks (sorry not a G rated blog) with your ability to brush things off. Comments or actions that would, under any normal circumstances, roll off you like water, are quickly absorbed. Imagine you are a giant sponge: even if you don’t want to suck in all that dirt, you can’t help it. You’re a sponge…it’s what you do!

It’s difficult because you’ll be upset. You’ll be asked, “what’s wrong.” The truth is you honestly don’t know. You just hurt; you ache like you’ve caught the flu…the emotional flu. Sometimes you find things that help: for me it is running, nature, and music. But the things that help work the same way as cold and flu meds. They dull the symptoms for a bit, but the only thing that truly helps is time.

So, near the end of last year inspiration was a prisoner of Sezdep. I can say that crying and being around another person who really got it, definitely helped shorten the duration.

Sezdep is still in town, but he’s not staying with me anymore. Sometimes I’ll see him from across the street and wave. Fortunately, as the days go by, I see less and less of him.

To those of you who are also familiar with Sezdep, know you are not alone. Know that things will get better. Know that you are loved. Know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

To those of you who are not familiar with Sezdep but have friends and family who are: forgive them their overreactions. Be there when they need you and realize it’s nothing against you if they want space. Sometimes solitary is the best way to cope. Share your love with them. Learn patience as they try to free themselves of Sezdep’s grasp.

Thank you for listening. I wish you the best that today can bring and all the hope for an even better tomorrow.